This is a good thing

There are certain memories from our fifteen years together that stand out in my mind as pivotal moments. These are the moments that could have broken us, if not for his steady and unshaken ability to calm my soul. I’ll share one with you that I think about often. In early March of 2007, I was 18. It was my brother’s birthday. I remember because I had planned to drive back to Manhattan to celebrate with him, but ended up cancelling, though he wouldn’t find out why for a while. That afternoon, after a Nascar trip to the drug store together, I sat with Drew on the cold tile floor of the bathroom in his tiny one-bedroom apartment in Emporia. We were teenagers, and in that moment I felt like a child. I couldn’t control myself. Panic had settled into my core, and I was a complete mess. He was holding both my hands in his, willing me to calm down. A pregnancy test was laid out on the glossy white tile in front of us. The little window was still blank, taking its sweet time to show us what I already felt to be true. Time was standing still, and I held my breath. I knew I should say something, but for the first time in my life, I couldn’t find the words. My mind was racing as usual, when he said “It’s ok. Don’t worry. We can handle anything.” Pretty great, right? I told him to shut up. We watched as two little lines appeared. I will never forget how calm he was. He said “This is a good thing,” and I looked at him like he was insane. He asked if I was ok and I said No. He asked me to marry him and I said Hell No. He hugged me and laughed and said he’d keep on asking. Thank God he did.

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