Happy Friday… right??
I’m trying to do this blog thing a little more often. I won’t say weekly, because I’d be setting myself up for certain failure. I’ll just say more often. The last week has been a trip. I got back to work, got to spend precious time with some of my favorite people, and made some great progress on my book again, finally. I’m headed to botox for the migraines today, which usually makes me really excited. This isn’t because I’m going to have the forehead of a surprised newborn again, but because it usually means 8-10 weeks of nearly complete relief from headaches. It’s a beautiful thing while it lasts. I can’t get too excited about anything lately, though, and I think I’m starting to understand why I get this way. I’ve been in a funk. After some intense book writing therapy Wednesday afternoon, I couldn’t get this quote out of my head.
“Aim to live in this world without the world living inside you. When a boat sits on water, it sails perfectly. When water enters the boat, it sinks.” -Imam Ali
I’ve probably shared that quote with y’all before, but since it’s occupying so much of my brain on blog day, you get to see it again. I’m not going to say I think there are two kinds of people, the creative and the analytical, the emotional and the logical. I think it’s more of an emotional spectrum, where some people make lists and decisions and find contentment in routine. Those of us at the other end…
wayyyyy down there…
way beyond the cleaning products…
yeah keep going…
beyond the magnetic notepads….
don’t need those….
clocks and watches?
No, you’re going to want to keep going….
There we are.
Right there between the alcohol and the waterproof mascara. That’s where we live. We’re led by our emotions, and we let way too much of the world’s troubled waters live inside our little boats. I have had to take a hard look at my lifestyle to try to figure out how the water is getting in. Why is my boat sinking?
I logged off all social media yesterday, telling myself I just need a few days to reset. I think social media is great. It absolutely has its place. It’s fantastic for small businesses, for artists, and for people to stay connected. I just think it can be a real problem for people who are as emotionally affected by the world as I am. I haven’t learned to just scroll past the horror stories in the news and the intense and sometimes nasty political debates. I feel compelled to read every article, each one poking another pinhole in my boat.
That’s not the only ugly side of social media. It also fuels my insecurities like you wouldn’t believe. It’s easy to believe everyone else has their shit together when you’re scrolling Facebook. Ope. It looks like I’m the only one not wearing pants today. It looks like my kids are the only ones clawing each other’s eyes out. It looks like we’re the only family serving “plate of little things”, aka randomness and popcorn, for dinner tonight! I mean, I’m just as guilty. I just don’t get that urge to snap pictures of my kiddos pitching fits and post them for grandma to see. In fact, this little corner of my social is the only place I kind of admit to my crazy. And if you think this blog is honest, you should read the shit I don’t post. I do have a little bit of a filter, which would surprise some of you. I’m trying to be even less filtered for the book, but it’s going to take a set of giant brass balls for me to make all of that public.
So here’s to little changes and choosing happy. Here’s to coffee shops and fishing holes and other happy places. Here’s to taking a few days to repair my boat. I’ll report back next week to let you know how the social cleanse went. Perhaps you won’t recognize the aura of shit-togetherness I’ll be hitting you with. Maybe I’ll magically get over my inferiority complex and start to ooze confidence out of so many orifices it’ll make you uncomfortable.